Do you like yourself?
Only about half of the time, and then too much. My self-esteem fluctuates between extremes.

Do you think you're attractive?
I could be more so, and could be less so. Specifics vary by the day.

What's one thing you like about your body and why?
My lips, because people compliment their "poutiness."

Do you like having your picture taken?
I am a hog for it.

What are your weaknesses?
I am judgmental, resentful, passive-aggressive, lazy, and self-deprecating.

Are you a good friend?
If by good you mean absentee.

What would you do if a friend was joking about you having a big butt?
Say something cruel about him or her in the same tone.

What embarrasses you?
People seeing my belly.

Do you consider yourself to be popular, in the "middle class" of popular, just there, a dork, or an outcast?
Just there.

Do you like getting all dolled up?
Even when I "doll up," I appear casual, and I am done dressing within ten minutes.

Do you like to look people in the eye?
I believe in the importance of it, but it requires a lot of strength from me. Usually, I am too shy and self-conscious to make and hold eye contact. My gaze instinctively diverts away, and roves.

What kind of shoe would you be?
A knee-high, lace-up, zebra-print, open-toed platform sandal with a low, chunky heel.

True or false: Premarital sex is wrong.
Lame. Make your own decision on the matter and mind your own business.

Is it right for a sexually-experienced woman to wear white on her wedding day?
Why should she not? The comparison of white to physical purity is only a symbolic perception, not a cold, hard fact. Black is often called an "evil" colour, yet it is the colour of holy robes worn by nuns and priests.

Do you prefer blondes, brunettes, or redheads?
It depends on the shade of each colour and how well it suits the man or woman. Generally, I am drawn to brunettes, then redheads, then blondes. Platinum blonde is higher up on the list than any other shade of blonde, especially when coupled with pale skin and dark facial features.

Who's better, boys or girls?
Better at what?

Do you prefer male or female friends?
Generally, male. I typically feel more comfortable with them. For one, I don't fear criticism if I don't always look like I just stepped out of a fashion magazine.

What things do you hate the most about today's society?
We are, in no particular order: fat, lazy, greedy, selfish, judgmental, intolerant, hateful, wasteful, destructive to the planet, uncaring, uncompassionate, disrespectful, hypocritical, patriotic, warmongery, stupid, egotistical, disgustingly proud of things we shouldn't be the slightest bit proud of, weight-obsessed, money-obsessed, oversexed, underappreciative, ignorant, closed-minded, two-faced, and despicable in general.

Does anger give someone the right to be cruel or harmful?
No. If you are angry at someone for upsetting you, and you in turn upset them, you've become just as "bad" as the person who initially upset you. Counterattacks are not justified—they are revenge.

If you could smack one famous person in the head, who would it be?
Just one? What a lamentable dilemma! Currently, I think I would settle on Paris Hilton.

Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls?
I don't think that children should be seeking role models in toys, period.

Do you think cheerleading is a sport?
It can be, depending on the routine.

Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey?
Sandler. Now, if only he would quit making terrible films.

Why is the new album always the best?
It isn't really; you are just tired of having to listen to the older albums for your fix.

Are storms cool or scary?
I love them, so long as I'm indoors. They have an awesome, powerful beauty to them. I can't help but respect the way angry nature knocks down the usual arrogance of humanity, shows us who's boss of this planet.

Do you celebrate Christmas?
As a statutory commercial holiday.

Do you believe in god or the devil?
This is best addressed by a Matthew Good lyric: 'Man makes god so god can make man / Man makes the devil so that he can understand / Why it is that every day / Things always turn out this way'

Which is the ugliest animal?
Man.

What slang word do you call marijuana?
Weed.

Is the glass half empty or half full?
The former.

Have you ever been in love?
So in love, that nothing could keep me away.

What turns you on in a mate?
When I fall for someone, their traits become my turn-ons. But, though these not necessarily preferences, I do have a short list of definite assets, most of which are extremely odd. I adore both shyness and confidence, a bit of a dichotomy. I love long hair and thick, dark eyeliner. Hip bones that stick out are a sexy physical trait of either gender, though not to an anorexic degree. I do not admire a man who denies his feminine side, but one who can admit that he enjoys the occasional scented candle, bubble bath, or even just slipping on his glasses and curling up in bed with a book. One would also earn points in my book for preferring Matthew Good over Dave Matthews, or even for being able to make the distinction.

What turns you off?
Excessive acne. Guys in sideways caps and baggy pants worn to their knees with plaid Calvin Klein boxers hanging out. Girls who wear too little clothing and/or too much makeup. People who are very vocally against my opinions. Airheads whose vapid conversations reveal the voids where their brains ought to be.

When you meet a potential significant other, you first notice their...
Package. No! I mean the whole package that is the individual.

What is the most beautiful part of the male body?
It varies depending on the man, though the most fascinating part is one they all share. (So I've got a bit of penis envy.)

Are you more attracted to a good boy/girl or a bad boy/girl?
I think my list of turn-offs is enough to imply that I'm not impressed by a "bad attitude." I'm also not drawn to the goody-two-shoes type, someone too proud to admit to erring and swearing. Mindsets and fashions straight from the fifties do not appeal to me. My perfect partner would be in balance between the two extremes... probably leaning more toward the good.

What odd physical trait of the opposite sex appeals to you?
Clavicles (collar bones).

What would you do if someone flirted with your partner in front of you?
I would glare at him or her and touch my significant other in a way that made it very clear that he was mine.

Would you rather your partner be touchy-feely or keep a distance?
I would rather one who would freely grace me with their touch.

Would you rather your partner be gentle or rough?
In general, gentle. Even when rough, I like that sort of gentle roughness, during which you know that the roughness is just an act. Get out of that gutter, now.

Would you rather receive a single flower or a dozen?
One. It shows me that he didn't try to go over the top—a sign of confidence.

What do you remember about your first crush?
He pronounced bed 'bay-ed' and leg 'lag.'

Would you go out with someone who was drop-dead gorgeous but astoundingly stupid?
I am the least likely person on Earth to do so. Intelligence is a must in any lover of mine.

Would you date a smoker?
Not if I could help it. I'm looking for someone who shares my opinions on important issues, and this is one of those. I see smoking as a form of self-harm. Besides that it would hurt me to see someone I cared about harming their bodies in this way, I'm looking for someone with a bit more intelligence than to begin such a dangerous habit in the first place, no offense.

What characteristics do you despise?
Arrogance, moodiness, homophobia, discrimination, jealousy, self-deprecation, lack of motivation, failure to take responsibility for one's own actions. Oh, there are so, so many.

What is your sexual orientation?
Blindly of race or gender, I am attracted to all sorts of people. In that regard, one could classify me as "bisexual," but I merely consider myself open-minded to whatever form in which the universe bestows love to me.

Are you a virgin?
Statistically, not likely.

If someone you barely knew asked how many people you had slept with, would you answer?
I would answer, "Your mom."

For $1,000, would you let someone have (consensual) sex with your significant other while you watched?
I suppose it would depend on what sort of damn I gave for said partner, but with my current boyfriend I would not even if I did not watch.

Would you date someone... who has never been in any kind of relationship?
Yes. Every relationship is different, so even past experience is often not relevant.

... a lot purer than you?
That would depend on the reason for their purity. If they've waited because they're militantly against pre- marital intimacy or anti-abortion, I would probably not be interested.

... a lot more sexually experienced than you?
Likely, though I would feel wary of failing to compete.

... who was sterile?
Absolutely—though hoping the condition would not interfere with the person's ability to perform. If we wanted to raise children, we could pursue alternate options.

... who once had a serious drug addiction?
Probably not. I would fear that too much drama would be attached, and that if the substance abuse became current again, it could come hand-in-hand with other types of abuse.

Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised?
Knowing everything would grow dull in time. Surprises keep things fresh, provided they're of the positive sort. "Surprise! I am married with six kids" is certainly not the latter type of bombshell.

Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life?
My soul mate. Coming home from a crappy job to my perfect lover would make it worthwhile.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?
I can see myself living in New York City, in a high-rise apartment I really can't afford. I'll pole-dance in sleazy bars by night for a living, and I'll write and run a website for my own non-profitable enjoyment.

How many children do you want?
Just one. Maybe I'll want more after that, but right now I can't imagine an aspect of childbirth that would convince me to repeat the process.

Future son's name?
Zachariah, maybe. I haven't put nearly as much thought into this subject as have most women my age.

Future daughter's name?
Grace, Rhiannon, Tessika

If you gave birth to a child with a birthmark that clearly read '666,' would you be worried? What would you do?
I would indeed be worried, but I would nonetheless raise the child, and hope that I could help him or her become something greater than a tool of evil. (I don't believe in Satan, anyway.)

If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?
Novelist.

Tell us something about you that we don't really want to know.
I got my period when I was twelve.

What's one thing not a lot of people know about you?
I have an interest in auto mechanics.

Have you ever looked at a nude magazine?
A few. Ooh! Tee-hee! I'm naughty! All were tasteless.

Do you shower facing toward or away from the shower head?
Toward.

How do you like your eggs?
Unfertilized.

Do you get along with your parents?
Well.

Can you do math with ease?
No. I'm so embarrassingly terrible with numbers that when my friends make mathematical errors that would shame a monkey, they label it "Emily math." Some example blunders: 26 - 6 = 18; 4 x 2 = 6.

What is your favourite curse word?
"Shit" and "fuck" tie.

What is your greatest fear?
Leeches.

Where do you go to just get away?
To bed.

What's your personality type?
Generally cheerful, funny, quiet to those I'm not close with, self-sacrificial. I feel whatever mood I'm feeling to an extreme, so when I'm happy, I'm positively overflowing, and when I'm cranky, you'd best get out of my way.

Do you get motion sickness?
Not often, but it's a sure occurrence if I read in a moving vehicle.

Pen or pencil?
Pens, but I'm very particular about what pens I'll use.

Chocolate or vanilla?
Vanilla, usually, though many chocolate things are also yummy.

Do you like to drive?
I do. I love to slip on my sunglasses, crank up my cheezy music, and speed, singing along.

What do you wear to bed?
Typically, what I was born wearing.

Do you eat stems of broccoli?
I like the stems better than the blossom, even. But I'm slightly paranoid about broccoli, since I always seem to find fat little green worms in it.

If you could dye your hair any colour, what would it be?
Two words: contrasting lowlights.

If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be?
can have a tattoo, and I can dye my hair (and have done the latter, many, many times).

Would you shave your head for $5,000?
HELL YES!

Pick a song that describes yourself.
'Simon' by Lifehouse (lyrics).

What is your first thought when you wake in the morning?
My deep desire to stay in bed and subsequent loathing to get out.

How many times will the phone ring before you answer?
Three, unless I know it's for me and it's someone whose calls I'm not screening.

Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
I type like a Ninja Turtle.

If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be?
Canadian rock musician and songwriter Matthew Good. Though I'm certain that I would clam up and make a complete dork of myself, I would not pass up the chance to shake his hand and let him know what a brilliant man and musician he is, and how much his art has meant to me.

Do you have a CD in your collection you're embarrassed to own?
I own boy-band CDs. Next.

Do you usually remember your dreams?
Sometimes, though I wish I remembered more. My dreams give me inspiration for my writing.

What is the worst thing anyone could ever do to you?
Kill my loved ones.

Would you rather work for your money or have it given to you?
Have it given to me.

What are your hidden talents?
Turning my feet ninety degrees inward, rolling my tongue, touching my nose with my tongue, crossing my eyes one at a time, and juggling up to four items. I'm also a pretty decent singer.

What's under your bed?
Spare bedding in a storage box, and miscellaneous other things.

Who's your daddy?
Your mother.